What is “kindness”? The Oxford Dictionary defines it as:
“Having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature; Courteous, gentle, benevolent.”
But what does this really mean, in terms of everyday life? Here is a working definition, with practical examples:
Kindness means that from the moment you open your eyes in the morning, to the time you shut them at night, you view the world around you not as something to be conquered by you, or anyone else, but rather as a place in which billions of people and living creatures exist, and that living in harmony with one another is far better than living in a state of conflict, or destruction.
Kindness means viewing every other person as being entitled to the same natural rights you enjoy. The only exception to this is people who have proven themselves to be untrustworthy, or who defraud or initiate force against others. It also means treating others with the same respect that you wish to be shown, until and unless they demonstrate themselves unworthy of your respect, in which case it is incumbent on you to minimize their impact in your life.
Kindness means that whenever possible, acting to help others who are facing misfortune, or better yet, to help them avoid it altogether. This must be done solely of your own free will, and of a type and degree to which you feel comfortable; kindness ends where the use or threat of force begins.
Kindness means that in times of conflict with another person, you first try to clearly understand and define its specific cause, and to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Then, if you come to believe that you occupy the moral, just position, it means that you explain your view in a calm and respectful fashion, but also give the other person the same opportunity, and to honestly, patiently listen to them. It also means that if you discover that the other person is correct, that you promptly apologize, and work to make amends, if necessary, in terms that are acceptable to both of you.
Kindness means never causing harm or pain to anyone or anything, for your amusement or convenience. An example: if you see a bug in your home or office, that try to capture and release it outside, unharmed, instead of automatically killing it. Why kill anything if it can be avoided? And in this realm, kindness means using the least-harmful deterrents to bugs or pests to prevent them from entering your home in the first place. It means killing as a last resort, not a first reaction.
Kindness begins, however, with being kind to yourself.
This means treating yourself with the same respect, gentleness and understanding that you bring to your relationships with others. It means being proud of, and building on your virtues — and honestly but patiently dealing with your deficiencies. It means that when you look at yourself in the mirror, you fully accept and internalize a belief that you have as much right to exist in this world as anyone else, and are just as deserving of creating and enjoying happiness, as you define it, so long as it does not come at the expense of someone else, or violate these same, natural rights of others.
Gratitude
Kindness also means being grateful to anyone who helped or is helping you to get where you are going, or, to overcome a hardship. One terrific recent example of proudly showing gratitude was actor Matthew McConaughey’s acceptance speech upon winning an Academy Award for Best Actor, for his role in “Dallas Buyer’s Club”:
Click here for a unique strategy you might find helpful for being kind to yourself, when you are facing an unusually difficult situation or choice [mirrors].
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.
– Mother Teresa
Examples of Kindness in Action
This Man Spent Decades Befriending KKK Members. Hundreds Have Left the Group Because of Him, by Benny Johnson, Independent Journal Review, August 15, 2017. Excerpt:
There are many headlines in the news today about fighting white supremacy and the Ku Klux Klan with violence. However, decades ago 58-year-old Blues musician Daryl Davis learned the most effective way to get a Klansman to give up his hood: friendship.
Daryl Davis has a unique hobby. In his spare time, he befriends white supremacists. Lots of them. Hundreds. He goes to where they live. Meets them at their rallies. Dines with them in their homes. He gets to know them because, in his words, “How can you hate me when you don’t even know me? Look at me and tell me to my face why you should lynch me.”
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